So....I was out exercising, walking....when a couple of teenagers drove by and yelled "You better keep walking with THAT big butt" (yep, while typing - Song Stuck - I like big butts and I cannot lie...)
Ouch! I almost started to cry. I wanted to yell..."But I was on steroids, you see - I was diagnosed with this disease......."
Damn it!! Why couldn't that song; Beautiful by Christina Aguilara been on my Ipod at that exact moment - I am beautiful, no matter what they say...words can't bring me down. Oddly, I think Ice Ice baby was on at the moment?
That's okay. They are forgiven. Kids don't understand the scars that are left by words. The ripples they make. The depth they can penetrate.
Sadly, I do. I still bear scars from my childhood and beyond. They suck. Which is why I try to always be cognizant of my words. What I say. How I say it. My actions and how they effect people. The ripples I cause.
The irony here is that before "The Incident" I had just gotten up from the bench at which I was looking at my legs. I had gotten bit up by mosquito's the other day, they had a real feast - so I had about 25 bites on my calf's... and I noticed today they no longer itched but had all turned a brown color. So instead of bites, I now have brown patches all over my lower legs.
I realized they match the other scars I have gotten since the Big S. It seems that anything that disturbs my skin, will now cause an aftermath of brown patches on my skin.
I had worn new sandals and got blister burns on the top of my feet a while back. They are still there... amassed in the new brown color that seems to happen to my skin. The old puncture marks from IV - now brown dots. The scab I picked cuz I just couldn't help myself - brown.
I am now starting to think, realize, discern, appreciate - recognize???? This may be a big S thing. That any skin disturbance can cause the brown patchiness.
I am not sure if my hypothesis is correct, but I have read that hyperpigmentation is common with the big S...and morphea will sometimes look brown.
I don't really have any skin involvement at this time. I feel fortunate of this.
What I am starting to feel is the pinky finger in my left hand change. It's from the knuckle down, starting to get hard. It feels funky.... At first I thought it was just knuckle pain.. but there's sumthin happening here - What it is ain't exactly clear!!
It's not really the skin though.....more like the whole damn thing. I guess we will see. Everyday a new adventure.
So now along with age spots, which are new and good times, I now seem to get scars of brown patches. Gettin old and Getting the Big S. It's a party.
Well, I want to work on a blog about Stress and the Big S. There have been a few papers and reports of a link between autoimmune disease and chronic stress. I have been researching the connection myself.... and in order to share my thoughts about it, I must give you some background info of my life - which is, at times, some deep stuff - So I forewarn you and I save that blog for another time. When I have a quiet home and time to devote.
For now I leave you with a reminder - Be careful what you say. Words hurt!
If you have the Big S - Be careful what you run into. We scar!
And have "Beautiful" always handy on your Ipod!
Buffalo Springfield - There's Something Happening Here