Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Flare-UPdate / Sausage Finger

Love Word Play............but then I'm pretty dorky and love most things and if they make me giggle or laugh, even better.

Update on The Flare or as I like to say; Flare-Update:

My index finger continued to swell pretty badly all day Saturday to the point that I thought perhaps it was an infection of cellulitis.

I get swollen fingers - or what the docs call "sausage fingers" (I know, not a good visual, but that's what they call em") quite often, but this one took the cake (or should I say cow?)

This bad boy was so swollen I literally would have paid someone to show me how to pop it. It felt like the worst underground pimple you have ever had quadrupled in pressure and placed at the tip of your finger. Man... was it uncomfortable. The throbbing was nuts! And yes there was pain - but since I reserve the  use of the P-word for intense and excruciating - I will continue to just call it uncomfortable.

I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I was a natural childbirth kinda girl, tattoo's, piercings in my youth... Pain doesn't scare me and I handle it well as I respect the pain that those dealing with cancer or other atrocities must feel, therefore I try not to use the word pain unless I feel it is unbearable and leads me to the use of pain medication, which is rare. So rare, that after my hysterectomy I never once used the the PCA (patient controlled analgesia) provided in the hospital. I'm not bragging (if one would even think that's something to brag about) or one-upping anyone here, I'm just explaining my "norm" and my viewpoint of my pain index. 

I digress.... so this little bugger, the "pointer" finger as our school age friends call it was a real PItheA.
I really was considering filaying the bad boy open to relieve some of the pressure, or trying to pop it with a pin. I was baffled as I have had the sausage fingers in the past, swollen - pudgy little buggers that make bending your finger or digit nearly impossible so you walk around like a tour guide nearly pointing at everything you pass....... but this was different so I wondered if perhaps I was getting a calcium deposit or if I had an infection. but by Sunday it wasn't as angry as it was on Saturday. Still huge, red, swollen, throbbing and annoying as all get out - but seemed like it was slowly getting less angry. But so swollen that you almost did not feel the tip/top of the finger. A very bizarre feeling.

Monday was better still, although not resolved - but Mr. Pointer had calmed down quite a bit and seemed to be resolving his demons -whatever they may be.

Which brings me to today, Tuesday - Still puffy, pudgy with the tip hard enough to bounce a quarter off of, but 1,000 times better than where we started this journey. No puss, no infection, no calcium deposit that I see or feel as of yet, yet a really bad batch of sausage I guess..... I can bend him now, although not all the way... but I am no longer a tour guide and can crack my knuckle if I so choose. The finger is mine again. I presume the pudge and sausage-ness will last another 3-4 days and then it will hibernate again to show it's face another day.

I've never had one that bad before. I was tempted once. ONCE..... to perhaps think about taking a pain med, but I kept myself busy with movies and making fun of the damn thing and did not need to. Weird.
But, like I always say - this is one weird disease.

The rest of the flare;  My hands were puffy - so I had Mickey Mouse hands all weekend, although not too bad. My joints hurt, but again - not too bad. My right ankle is the worst and seems to get worse the farther we go into this journey. When it flares - it does hurt. I must admit the one time I did cry and drive myself to the Urgent Care for pain meds was due to ankle pain that was close to unbearable and made walking a real treat. I was given meds and I did fill them, took a bath and was able to get through the worst without needing to take one.

I guess I have a fear of being out of control w/pain meds or narcotics. Not due to my brother and his addiction or anything profound like that. Just to my own nature of needing to be in control and aware of my surroundings. My life - I never want it to be dulled and drugged. I want to LIVE every minute I have left on this earth and hear and be involved in all of lifes little miracles (my son and his dumb jokes, the pups, the crook of my hubbies neck) and in the back of my mind I wonder if there will be a future when the pain will get worse and visit more often, and I want to be ahead of the game allowing the lowest dose to control it when/if that time comes. I respect pain - and I don't want to build up a tolerance or indulge in escaping it when I know there is an unbearable pain lurking somewhere that will command respect when it shows its ugly face. That is just my way - Ive always been that way..... so I don't judge those who feel pain differently or chose not to feel pain at all. This is my path (Sadhara) and how I chose to walk it (there are may ways up the mountain).

Again - I digress. Ramble On......Hmm I wonder if Zeplin was talking about me? Back to the flare...
So Sausage finger from hell, Mickey Mouse hands, joint pain, the ankle monster, and yes folks, the fatigue finally hit. But again - as is the theme of this blog.....not that bad.

The fatigue this time came in slowly....like a fog. And once there, surrounded me like fog does. Fog doesn't hurt you - but when your in it, you feel stuck. It's inescapable. All around you and you can't see far enough ahead to know when you'll escape it. You move slower, more cautious, and spend the time your "in" it wishing it would lift so you could see again. Move freely again, see and feel the brightness. Everything is dulled by the fog. Sometimes things stop altogether until it passes. That is what the fatigue was like this time. A subtle intangible barrier that made things just a little more difficult, waking up left you zombie like for a little longer - coffee's effects were lost by it... but you could still move about. Just a little slower. You feel like you want to shake it off.... like a dog does water, only it's stubborn and won't shake. That is until it's ready to lift..... and it does.

Today, Tuesday - I still feel a little weighted down by the fog, although it is lifting. I had "Garfield: eyes this morning - the lids felt so heavy I wanted to lift them with toothpicks, but I am up and at em' nonetheless.
All in all I feel this one is coming to an end and I am starting to feel more Stacie-like every minute.

I must add though for the sake of being thourough and not complaining - that I also feel the very heavy arms and muscle weakness that comes along with a flare. Even blow-drying my hair takes effort and I must rest my arms before I move on to the flat iron.... which must be done since I have Rosana-Rosana-Danna Hair!!
My leg muscles feel sore-er after walking and while doing the treadmill yesterday (on low..) my legs buckled a few times. Kinda scary - but I am getting used to it by now. Then of course last but not least - the hand pain that is par for the course. The ache that feels as if it lives in all of the small tiny spaces of your hands that makes doing things just a little harder. As an example - While trying to straighten the rats-nest of straw that I like to call my hair - closing the Chi Iron was just a tlittle more difficult and hurt just a tad. So things like brushing, or dialing, or the simple things like typing - you just kind of "feel all the bones and spaces" if that makes sense? Sooooo if you have ever felt that or feel that now - You are not alone!! Its a Sclerie thing : - D
But all in all - I feel pretty fortunate and this one is that too bad. That or Im getting used to it... who knows.

And to celebrate, I am going to get my Mammogram at 1:30!! Whoop whoop....It's "Hammer Time"
Okay, I jest - but I sure am happy I have breast to get mammo'd. I'll take it and smile through it once a year.

Well, that's about it for now folks. Gotta eat some breakfast and get ready for Hammer Time.

Hope this finds you all well....

Peace and Love ~

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