Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Wednesday / Flare-Watch "11"



So just checkin in like I promised.....

The fatigue is still hangin around. It is almost like a hung-over spacey feeling in the morning that no amount of coffee or fountain pop can qualm. It seems to take me much longer to get going. Part of it is the fatigue and the other part is the "Stay Puff" swelling is hanging around too.

Once up, the pudge in my hands seems to dissipate. The sausage finger is almost back to normal - not quite there - but looking pretty darn good if I do say so myself. The ankles and hips are still aching and nagging at me. The heaviness in the arms is still present.... So I feel this need to rest my arms between tasks. The hand ache is still with me and the muscle weakness is still there. Legs are a bucklin' still on the treadmill - but I do feel like I am on the upswing physically - although emotionally, I did feel myself get discouraged this morning.

I found myself doing that "How long will this last" mantra in my head again and getting really frustrated by how groggy I was when I awoke. I actually fell back asleep and slept in which I try not to do. I try to keep myself on a pretty even schedule so that my sleep cycles and life cycles are managed pretty well - so I think that did a number on my psyche too.......to be THAT tired and not know WHY....

Although - that's the mind game of this disease, you know why. Your body is fighting an epic battle with itself and has no down time, so eventually somethings gotta give and the old bod MAKES itself rest. But I guess that doesn't stop the girl in you who gets discouraged and in that frustration needs the answer to Why now? How long? Did I do too much last week? Why this week and not last? When will it end? Will it ever end?

I guess that is just human nature - and I felt myself give in to it this morning - but once upright and vertical, with coffee in hand - I stopped the pity party and just took it slow, forgave myself and put my big girl panties on and did my thing.

Part of that thing is this blog - in which I promised to be better at charting and narrating Flares and Absences... so consider this the Wednesday Update for "Flare Watch 11"

Hope this finds you well and enjoying spring!!

Peace and Love ~

Stacie

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